Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
