if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
