At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
