I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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