Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
