I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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