My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
