life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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