I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
