Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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