i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
