What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
