Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
