There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
