i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
