Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
