Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
