foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
