god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
