okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
