Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
