You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
