Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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