all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
