that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
