I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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