yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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