brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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