my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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