good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
