Sry I called you an 8
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
