He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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