Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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