i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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