I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
