so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
