ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We got so high we made milksteak
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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