Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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