her vagine was all disorganized.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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