you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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