So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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