Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
