when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
