This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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