The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
