fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
