Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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