I think I won the penis lottery.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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