You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
