As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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