I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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