He asked to "fluff my boner.."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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