did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
