4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
