I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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