You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
