I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
