So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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