My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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