I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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