I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
