WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
