Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
